We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
