How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
