I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
