I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
