she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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