How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
