Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
