There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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