normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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