just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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