ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Enjoy the penises
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
