if you like me you must not know who I am
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
