I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
You did what with his pubic hair?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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