things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
