the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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