Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Randomize
