I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
