I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
