They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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