you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
where does the pee come out of this thing
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
