He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
