There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
