now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
