Define "chronic" masturbator.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
