my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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