I just saw a hot homeless man
I skipped work to stalk him.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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