I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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