I seem to have left my pride at pride
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I want to fling myself into the sun
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
