Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Is Oprah even human
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
