I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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