i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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