I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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