GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
