I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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