im about as happy as oj after his trial
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
