my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
