You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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