Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
