I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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