i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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