i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
