Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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