I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
