Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
