i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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