can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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