dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
