i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
