I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
