It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
